Short Funny Drinking Jokes and Jokes about Drinking
{YBA} Huge collection of drinking jokes and jokes about drinking, and If you are looking for bars funny joke text collection then your search ends here,
because here posted a selection of jokes about drinking and jokes of drinking. These jokes are full of fun and humor and intelligence.
1. Temperance Lecture
Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland’s top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.
The speaker said quietly to the audience, “Now my friends, what does this tell us?”
Jock piped up, “If you drink whisky you’ll not be bothered by worms
2. O’Connell Falls
O’Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket when he
slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running
down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood.
3. Jock Pulled Out a Bottle of Whisky
Jock was traveling by train seated next to a stern-faced clergyman. As Jock pulled out a bottle of whisky from his pocket the clergyman glared and said reprovingly, “Look here, I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whisky in my life!”
“Dinna worry, Minister,” smiled Jock, pouring himself a dram. “There’s no risk of you starting now.
4. How did the Irish Jig get Started?
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms.
5. How do You get a Highlander Onto the Roof?
How do you get a Highlander onto the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
6. Bar Stool Accident
William Joy (37), of Cookstown, Co. Tyrone, is paralysed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair as a result of a fall from a bar stool in 1989. The High Court in Belfast heard during the week that Mr. Joy is suing Michael Newell, the man who owned the bar in which the accident occurred, for damages. He claims that Mr. Newell was negligent for allowing him to sit on a 3 foot high stool while drunk.
7. Little Johnny was asked to spell straight
Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell straight, little Johnny did so without error.
Bravo, said the teacher, now, what does it mean?
Without water in it.
8. Little Johnny & the Evils of Liquor
Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms,” said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. “Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.
9. Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings
The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
10. 10 Guinness’s in 10 Minutes
An American walks into an Irish pub and says, “I’ll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness’s in 10 minutes.” Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, “Is that bet still on?” “Sure.” So the bartender lines 10 Guinness’s up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. As the American hands over the money he asks, “Where did you go when you just left?” The Irishman answers, “I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it.
