Driving Jokes Bad and Funny for Comedy

{YBA} If you want to learn driving or good driver, should be care of law and order of driving. Anyway here is some selection of jokes on driving and jokes of driving, or Driving Jokes, Jokes about Driving.  Bad and Funny Driving Jokes

1. A New Kind of Car

Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.

Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?”one asked.

He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car,” his co-worker replied.

How was he going to do it?”

He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from Caddy and, well, you get the idea.

So what did he end up with?

Ten years to life.

2. Blonde Gets a Woody

A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn’t look so good once she had taken it out of the crate.

3. Rolls Royce

Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.

“Sure,” said Morry, “I’ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside.”

As they’re driving along, Moshe says, “Morry, what’s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?”

“That’s my digital clock.”

A few minutes later, Moshe asks, “And what’s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?”

“That’s my tachometer,” says Morry.

Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, “But what’s that….”

“Hold on a minute, Moshe,” says Morry, “I can see you’ve never been in a Rolls Royce before.”

“Never in the front seat.” says Moshe.

4. Parking in a One-hour Zone

Have you ever had the experience of parking in a one-hour zone, inserting the coins, than finding yourself, forty-five minutes later, still in line at the bank? At such times, you might suddenly find religion, and fervently pray that you will make your meter.

5. Lost Gas Cap

David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station.

After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.

Sure enough, he hadn’t been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.

“Great,” David thought, “I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.

And this one’s even better because it locks.

6. Red Lights

There are these two guys driving a car. When the guy driving blows right through the red light.

“Man, you just ran that red light!”, the passenger said.

“Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time,” said the driver.

Well, they continue to drive when the guy went flying through another stop light.

“You ran ANOTHER stop light. You are going to get us killed!!!” exclaimed the passenger.

“Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time, the driver said.

After a while they came to a green light when the guy stopped.

“Why are you stopping?”

The driver turned around and said, “Because my brother might be coming

7. General Motors Helpline

General Motors doesn’t have a “help line” for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy/use cars like they buy/use computers — but imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!”

HELPLINE: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?”

CUSTOMER: “What’s an ignition?”

HELPLINE: “It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.”

CUSTOMER: “Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?

8. The car driver

Cyril was driving down Hendon Road when he gets pulled over by a policeman.

Walking up to Cyril’s car, the policeman says, “I’ve come to tell you that your wife fell out your car some 2 miles back.”

Cyril replies, “Thank goodness, I thought I’d gone deaf.

9. Water in the Carburetor

WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”

WIFE: “In the pool.

10. Automobile Acronyms

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix It Again, Tony!

FORD
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of Research & Development
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. & Ron`s DNA
backwards -> Driver Returns On Foot

GM
General Maintenance

GMC
Garage Man`s Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA
Had One, Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else

HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing`s Dr And Inexpensive

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless

11. Crossing the Road

Traveling down a remote country road one day, a motorist came to a stop in front of a giant puddle covering the entire road. He noticed a farmer leaning on a fence,
contemplating the puddle. “Hey mister, think it’s safe to cross?” he yelled.

Oh, I reckon so. The farmer replied.

The man drove on into the puddle, where his car was immediately swallowed up. The puddle was so deep, he had to escape through the window and swim back to the edge. When he climbed out he was furious with the old farmer. “I thought you said it was safe to cross!”

The farmer stood back and scratched his head. “Well, heck, it only came up chest-high on my ducks.

12. A Blonde at a Carwash

At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed.

About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling, “who ripped off my car phone.