Comedy Baby Jokes Album for Kids

{YBA} Are looking for baby joke text messages collection, yes! your search ends here for jokes of baby. These jokes are full of Fun and laugh, humor smile and intelligence. Read and share to your friends.

1. He didn’t Kick Too Much

A few days ago my daughter, who is expecting her third child, was telling the other two children that this baby is kicking alot. She further explained that when she had the first one, Mikey, he didn’t kick too much. Mikey gently said to his mother “Mom, do you know why I didn’t kick you too much? Because I knew you were my Mommy”.

Out of the mouths of our sweet babes.

2. Bottle Fed Baby Joking

A woman and a baby come into the doctor’s office.

She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.

After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, “Is he breast fed or on the bottle?”

“Oh…he is breast fed!”, replied the woman.

“Well then, strip down to your waist,” orders the doctor.

She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table.

The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.

The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says, “No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don’t have any milk.

The woman with a wry grin on her face responds, “Well of course I don’t, I’m his aunt.

3. Baby Wrap Jokes

Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants.

As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?.

Yes, I replied, “That is a good analogy.

I don’t know how to make egg rolls,” another mother said anxiously. “Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?.

4. Why does a blonde only change diapers…

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it “good for up to 20 pounds.

5. It’s a Girl nice jokes

Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild’s birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.

I’m a grandmother!” I declared. “It’s a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds.

When was she born?” someone asked.

Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, Tomorrow.

6. Little Johnny’s New Baby Brother

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, Where’d we get him?.

His mother replied, He came from heaven, Johnny.

Johnny says, WOW, I can see why they threw him out.

7. Feeding the Baby jokes

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, What in the world are you doing?.

He replied, I’m waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another.

8. Baptism Baby jokes

A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter.

As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head.

With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked, Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?.

9. A Woman, a Bus and a Baby

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh.

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, The driver just insulted me.

The man says, There’s no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.

10. New Dad Jokes about Baby

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.

Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn’t stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby’s ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was
indeed full.

Here’s the problem, the doctor explained. He just needs to be changed.

The perplexed father remarked, But the diaper package specifically says it’s good for up to 10 pounds.