Clean Funny Dog Jokes for Kids

{YBA} At the net is a huge collection of animal jokes, few of theme here is dogs jokes or jokes on dogs. Customer service representatives answer straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, however some calls can be quite unconventional as follows.

1. The Dog Jikes

Rivkah, a little old lady get on an El Al flight to Israel. She’s carrying a bag, a purse and a little dog in a box. She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her.

A stewardess approaches Rivkah and says, “I’m sorry Madam, but you can’t keep the dog here. I’ll have to take it and put it in baggage.”

Rivkah agrees. What else can she do?
During the flight, the stewardess looks in on the little dog, and Oy Gevult, the dog is dead. She informs the pilot who notifies Tel Aviv airport who tells the director who decides that they will get an other dog to replace this one. The little old lady will never know.

When the plane lands and Rivkah goes to the baggage hall to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, an exact replica of her old dog. “This is not my dog”, Rivkah exclaims.

Why yes it is, the captain tells her. See, it has the same markings.

This is not my dog, Rivkah insists.

How do you know this isn’t your dog?” asks the captain.

My dog is dead.

2. First Prize

A little boy took his dog on a “take your pet to school” day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks. Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, “Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?” The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent. “Right!”
exclaimed the boy. His dog won first prize.

3. Playing Chess with a Dog

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.

Nah, he’s not so smart, the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five.

4. Dog Visits Butcher

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins.

You dumb dog. As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that’s been sitting out all day.

The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who’ll know?

Again, the dog growls menacingly. “Alright, alright,” as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog’s owner screams at the dog.

Hey, what are you doing? That’s a really smart dog you’ve got there, comments the butcher.

He’s a stupid dog that’s the third time this week he’s forgotten his key.

5. Dog’s Life

My wife agrees that I do indeed lead a “dog’s life”.

The way she puts it though is: “He comes in with muddy feet, makes himself comfortable by the fire, and expects to be fed.

6. Dog Fight

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”

Yeah, I do, a biker says, standing up. What about it?

Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him.

What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?

Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat.

7. A Dog Cleaning

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office
except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if
his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.

Incredible, exclaimed the man. I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk.

No, no, pleaded the dog. Please don’t! If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well.

8. Talented Dog

Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.

Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.

Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner.

Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said; Why that’s great, mister, But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?

9. A Dog’s Job

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.

Incredible, exclaimed the man. I can’t believe it, Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk.

No, no, pleaded the dog. Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll have me answering the phone too.

10. A Dog has Lots of Friends

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue.