Best Hilarious College Jokes for Humor
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1. The Girl of His Dreams
A young man in college called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the girl of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the girl came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother.
“We hadn’t started eating yet.
2. Correction
Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog
attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline “Valiant Student Saves Boy From
Fearsome Dog.”
The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, “Pompous Stock Broker Kills School
Mascot.
3. Computer Consultants
The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to “getting into” E-mail and how to access the “Information Highway.”
An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn’t working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail.
He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address.
He replied, “The sign advertising the concert said, ‘begins@7:30PM’.
4. LBJ’s Press Secretary
A student at the University of Texas said they had Liz Carpenter, LBJ’s press secretary, as a guest lecturer for her media writing class. One of the students asked her if there was someone the 82 year old Carpenter wanted to meet but hadn’t yet.
She replied, “Jesus,” paused for a moment and then said, “But I’m not in any hurry.
5. College Cure
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”
“Two days ago.”
“Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”
“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”
“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”
“He’s taking every penny I make.”
“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”
“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”
“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”
“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him.
6. Collected Comments of College Students
He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.
Help! I’ve fallen asleep and I can’t wake up!
His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame.
Textbook is confusing … someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it.
This class was a religious experience for me … I had to take it all on faith.
The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him.
Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material.
Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing – it’s a great stress reliever.
Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose – spraying in all directions – no way to stop it.
I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used while doing the problem sets.
7. First Job
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom — I’ll show you how.
8. Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.
“That is the talking clock”, the man replied.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked.
“Watch”, the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s two AM in the morning.
9. CTC
Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.
“I’ve found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,” offered one.
“CTC? Who are they?”
“You know,” he responded. “Call Them Collect.
10. A Letter From a College Student
The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter:
Dear Mom and Dad:
Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t!
But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don’t want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.
Love
Your $on
After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:
Dear Son:
NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing Noble.
Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left.
Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time.
Have to go NOw.
Mom & Dad.
“Money For College”
