Jokes about Businessman – Naughty Business Jokes
{YBA} Many peoples says different ideas and quotations on business jokes. there is lot of selection of business joke fun for all,
1. Murphy applied for an engineering position
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
Manager: Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job.
Murphy: And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job.
Manager: We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.
Murphy: And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?.
Manager: Simple, the American put down on question #5, I don’t know. You put down Neither do I.
2. Unscheduled Outage Business Jokes
It’s thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return. And waits. And waits.
Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the network back to life, says the tech.
Next morning, the phone rings. It’s a very irate corporate administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no control over.
The Administrator’s response?. Next time, put it on the schedule before you have an unexpected outage.
3. Reading Between the Lines as Jokes
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
4. Tyson Foods visits the Pope
A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread….’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church.
The Pope responds saying, That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.
“Well,” says the Tyson man, we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread….’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken,
Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”
Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread…’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken, and he leaves.
The next day, the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news. The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion.
The bad news is that we are losing the Wonder Bread Account.
5. A Car Salesman and a Computer Salesman
Q: What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A: The car salesman knows when he’s lying to you.
6. Smoke Detector and Business Jokes
The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in house fires.
7. Equation of Earnings
The Equation of earnings
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power
Postulate 2: Time is Money
As every engineer knows,
Work = Power Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work = Knowledge Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.
